Near the end

It's been seven weeks since Catherine was first admitted to the hospital. Since then, she has spent most of her hours bathed in love from wonderful family and friends. We've been in and out of the hospital a few times since then. Most recently, on Monday December 5, Catherine went back to the hospital in the hopes that her blood counts had recovered enough to let her receive another round of radiation treatment.

Her blood was tested and radiation was quickly ruled out. Catherine had to be admitted to the hospital that same day because of dangerously low platelets and white blood cells, as well as indicators that her the cancer had compromised her liver functioning. She has been receiving regular transfusions to boost her counts as well as pure oxygen to help her lungs. Palliative care doctors have been tinkering with her pain regimen to put her at ease.

The most distressing thing about all of this, to Catherine, was that she was going to miss taking her nieces to lunch at the cafe at the American Girl Doll store. Her kind and generous character has never changed, no matter how bad the news gets.

The future has come into stark focus since we've been in the hospital. Whether it's from complications in her lungs, her liver, her brain, or somewhere else, the cancer is advancing rapidly and there is little that medicine can do to fight it. Tomorrow, we are hoping that we will be able to leave the hospital and get home to Brooklyn. We will have home hospice care ready, so that she can spend her last few days in a comfortable place, with her family.

All of you reading this blog surely know that Catherine has an incredible reservoir of love in her heart for each person she's known. Even if she didn't have time to send a thank-you card or respond to your text or call you back, she tried valiantly. She read every one of your well-wishes and they warmed her heart. Her tireless thoughtfulness is something at the very core of her, so please know that she would have done everything to make this less painful for all of us if only she'd had the time and energy. The thing that gave her the greatest joy was caring for the people she loved.

Catherine has made her peace with her death. She has said many times that she isn't scared, she isn't angry, she isn't upset. She is able to accept what is going to happen to her. The last few months have given Catherine the time to reflect and be profoundly grateful for the happy, rich life she's led. More than anything, she worries about the people around her and how we'll hold up when she's gone. We'll have to take strength from her remarkable and inspiring example in the days to come.