Catherine Marie Mullarkey

Catherine Marie Mullarkey left us in the early morning, yesterday, December 9. She fought an incredible battle against a very aggressive form of cancer that in the end, took her life. She knew it was coming and had nine trying but beautiful months to say goodbye. But the knowledge that her death was coming did not change her a bit. She lived those last nine months exactly the way she lived the months that came before. She spent her hours trying to fill the world with love. In every single moment, she demonstrated a thoughtfulness and wisdom that most of us can summon only in our finest hours. Until her very last day, bedridden and her body betraying her, she was thinking of others and never herself.

The initial news and day to day reality of her diagnosis was difficult for all of us. Now that she's gone, it feels entirely different. It feels unreal. That a person this good could be taken away breaks every rule of nature. Every law of physics or concept of fairness or justice or sense of decency. That's why today feels dream-like and I can't help my brain from trying to wake up. Coping seems to be a process of orienting myself from this daze, finding my footing, of staying upright.

But, again, Catherine's example is inspiring. She was never bitter or angry about what was happening. Instead of collapsing into self pity, she showed us all just how much grace a human being facing her own mortality is capable of. She set herself to the things she wanted to accomplish while she still had time. Making lists, delegating tasks, writing thank-you letters. She soldiered on in order to make the process of her death as easy on all of us as she could. While the rest of us fell apart around her, she consoled us. She worked at it, I'm sure. It can't be easy, even for a person of such substance.

So I am going to let her continue to inspire me. The way she lived her life will be a pattern for my own. In despairing times, like right now, I know that Catherine would support me and hold me up and want me to face the grief but also to not let it overwhelm me. Love like hers doesn't leave just because she does. At this moment, our world is full of souls that are hurting but are immeasurably enriched for having known Catherine. She was one of a kind, and I can only hope to follow in her lead. I love you, Catherine.